


in which simon lies about his future profession

by zeitgeistofnow



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, M/M, and its been yearss since i read the books, au where they're all human too, raphael might be slightly ooc because its my first shadowhunters fic, sorta?, the trope isn't related to coffee shops but they're in a coffee shop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 06:20:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18750766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeitgeistofnow/pseuds/zeitgeistofnow
Summary: there's nothing quite like claiming the need to use the bathroom in order to get out of an awkward conversation because what is someone going to do? stop you? and it's a taboo enough topic thatclarysomeone wouldn't say anything if you don't come out for a while. and besides, she's busy talking tojace'sbrother or whatever so simon could probably go play his guitar in the park and she wouldn't mind. however, there's someone standing by the sink in the bathroom, which efficiently wrecks simon's plan to... he's not sure, actually. also stand by the sink?





	in which simon lies about his future profession

Simon meets him in the afternoon, when he and Clary are getting coffee- Simon is still the kind of person who calls drinking coffee after the morning an act of rebellion. He texts a picture of his order to his mom and she sends a mockingly scolding text back. He and Clary talk about school and Clary’s new  _ friend-  _ he’s tall and blond and has a fancy name and he’s everything that Simon isn’t, but Simon doesn’t mind. He’s trying to be a good friend. 

Simon tells her about the developments with his band, which are… not exactly numerous and she tells him about Jace’s siblings, the gay kid with the scary boyfriend and the badass who wears bright lipstick. Simon tells her about a new show he started and Clary tells him about the club she and the Lightwoods went to. Simon remembers why he and Clary haven’t gotten coffee in a while and he asks her how she thinks she did on the math final and Clary says that Jace got a 97%, which  _ wasn’t what Simon asked.  _ Simon manages to wrangle a good conversation about vampires out of her, but then Clary spots gay-brother-and-his-scary-boyfriend and Simon excuses himself to use the bathroom.

It’s a  _ way  _ bigger bathroom than the Starbucks warrants, with stalls and three sinks, which seems excessive anywhere but a fancy theater, or maybe a hotel lobby. They have paper towels and hand blow-dryers, which seems wishy-washy- either commit to saving the environment or don’t- and there’s a hot guy leaning against the counter with the sinks, which seems just kind of odd. It’s a nice bathroom, but the cafe outside is definitely nicer, especially if you’re not actually using the bathroom. 

Of course, it’s not like Simon came in here to actually use a toilet either, and he always feels a little bit uncomfortable pissing if there’s someone in the room  _ not  _ using the bathroom but now he’s in here and it’s weird if he just leaves, so he goes and washes his hands. It’s foaming soap and he stares at the guy in the mirror as he scrubs the back of his hand.

He’s  _ very attractive,  _ and not in the way where they get less attractive the more you look at them, like Taylor Swift. He’s hispanic, Simon thinks, and his hair falls in a delicate swoop over his forehead, It’s shaved short on the sides- unlike Simon’s hair, whose trademark curls meander around his ears and generally look unkempt- and he’s wearing a leather jacket with the collar popped over a dark button-up. Simon can just barely see the edges of a tattoo creeping up his neck, calligraphic words in what Simon thinks is spanish. He looks terribly out of place in the tile-cleaner-scented white of the bathroom, like a dark angel. He also looks very angry about whatever’s on his phone. 

Simon drys his hands with one of the paper towels- he feels bad about judging the cafe about the waste created by having paper towels, because here he is, using them- and tosses it in the tiny wastebasket that’s overfilled with identical brown tissues. He starts to make his way out of the bathroom, but stops. Walks over to the dark angel guy. Taps him on the shoulder and does the weird tiny wave Clary says he shouldn’t. 

Angel glares at him.

“Um,” Simon says. 

“ _ Dios,”  _ Angel says. Simon thinks that’s spanish too, and Simon is taking french because freshman him thought it would be helpful, so he doesn’t know what it means. Hot guy says it like a curse, but he has the kind of voice that could make anything sound like a curse. “What?”

Simon tries to grin winningly. He won a fashion show with Clary once, for a charity. He thinks it was his smile that secured the judges votes, but Dark Angel looks unimpressed and kind of pissed. “You looked pretty upset, I want to be a therapist when I’m older, and I just wanted to see if you wanted to talk.” Wow, that even sounded dumb to Simon. He can feel himself blushing.

“Do you accost men in bathrooms like this often, Mr. Therapist?” Dark Angel seems amused, which Simon would like to think is a good sign.

Simon’s blush deepens, but he jumps up on the counter and swings his legs. “Okay then, let me guess.”

Angel doesn’t say anything.

“Your… Amazon delivery got lost somewhere in Cincinnati.” Angel shakes his head. “The barista  got your coffee order and you’re writing a one star review on Yelp.” Another shake of his head- Dark Angel’s hair swooshes pleasantly when he moves. “You posted a mirror selfie on Instagram and it got too many likes.”

Angel raises his eyebrows. “Bold of you to assume I show up in mirrors.”

Simon half-chokes on a laugh because the guy made a  _ joke.  _ About  _ vampires,  _ which are objectively the sexiest supernatural creatures, which makes Dark Angel  _ even cooler.  _ But also it’s not as funny as it could have been, because they’re right next to a mirror and Simon can clearly see Dark Angel’s reflection right next to his. Dark Angel seems to notice this about the same time Simon does, and a smile twitches at the edge of his mouth.

“Okay, Dracula, final guess.” Simon frowns and pretends to think. He’s pretty sure literally any joke would be lost on this guy, so he goes with an actual guess. “Your Grindr date’s shitty and you’re hiding in the bathroom to get away from him.” Maybe he shouldn’t  _ assume  _ that Dark Angel’s gay, but Simon has an okay gaydar- he managed to find two friends-with-boyfriends in the cishet cesspool that is highschool geeks- and his mom always said to assume the best.

Dark Angel sneers. “Internet dating isn't really for me. I was getting coffee with a…” he trails off. “colleague, and he ran into his boyfriend.”

Simon winces in sympathy. “That sucks. My friend keeps talking about some guy and now she’s hanging out with his brother or something.” Simon makes a face, then bounces up. “I’ll buy you another coffee if you drink it with me.”

Dark Angel blinks and Simon wavers.

“You know, to make them jealous?” He jumps off the counter and holds out a hand. “It’s Simon, by the way.”

“Raphael.” Raphael- which even sounds like an angelic name, so maybe Simon wasn’t too far off base with the Dark Angel nickname- doesn’t take Simon’s hand, but he does drop his phone in his pocket and stand up straighter.

 

“I don’t actually want to be a therapist,” Simon confides as they wait in line. Raphael’s eyeing a scone and Simon is trying to convince himself not to get a slice of cheesecake because he’s trying to be healthy. 

“ _ Por suerte,” _ Raphael responds. Simon still isn’t sure what he’s saying, but he grins anyway. 

**Author's Note:**

> lol this is really short and weird and raphael's written weirdly because i wanted to make it clear that he liked simon (kinda?) and he has like five lines of diolouge so i couldn't make him as... him-y as i wished? i'm also thinking about writing maybe more of this but idk i usually like one chaptered fics better when i'm reading- if any of you would be interested in another chapter (probably involving magnus and alec more?) say something and i probably will! thanks for reading!!
> 
> xoxo- comments and kudos make my day, and you can find me on tumblr @the-stars-say-gay


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